


The Scars I Caused

by noobytommo



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-02-27 10:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2689064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noobytommo/pseuds/noobytommo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are things that Ashton regrets in his life. Rejecting Luke Hemmings is definitely the biggest one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic ever.I am in no way Australian/American/British because well I'm from Asia. I'm writing this based on what I've read from other fics (but that doesn't mean i stole it from anyone though). That also means that English isn't my first language so if ever you see some mistakes in grammar or spellings, please feel free to correct me. Just do it in a friendly manner. So that being said, please give this fic a chance :) I would appreciate it if you read it. Please enjoy. - jay

It all started few weeks earlier, after a concert. Ashton was hanging out with Michael and Calum.

“Man that was a blast, I still can’t believe you stole my microphone though. Almost missed my part.” Calum told Michael with a pout.

“Aw sorry Cal, I just enjoy playing with your microphone.” Michael said wiggling his eyebrows at Calum.

Calum blushed furiously.

These guys are weird. They should be together or something Ashton thought.

“Have you guys seen Luke?” He asked both of them.

“Nope.” Michael answered shaking his head.

Ashton finds that odd. Luke never wanders alone, he’s the clingy one in the band, considering the fact that he is the youngest one. It’s very out of character for him to be alone. Maybe it’s a one-time thing he told himself.

  *         **A S H T O N**



“Guys I should go, I just wanna take a nap.” Waving my arms to them.

I walked back to the tour bus trying my best stay awake. Damn, drumming really drains off energy. But it’s fun so I don’t mind. It’s quite a long walk from the arena to the tour bus, and I’m thankful that there are no fans around. Don’t get me wrong, I love our fans more than anything, but sometimes they get a little scary. Right now, all I want is a long sleep.

I was about to go to my bunk when I noticed Luke sitting in the corner. His arms around his knees with his head bowed down.

“Luke?” I asked him. Putting a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

I looked at him intently waiting for response, when I noticed his shoulders are shaking.

I heard him sniffle. Wait is he crying? I panicked a little so I crouched down beside him.

“Why are you crying? Are you sick?” I put my arm around his shoulders to help him stand. He shuffled a bit leaning into me. I was shocked when I felt his arms wrap around my back. There is this twisting feeling in my stomach. I ignored it, and hugged him back. He buried his face on my neck and I felt the area dampen.

“Luke it’s okay.” I rubbed circles in his back to soothe him.

“What happened?” I asked him. He looked at me with an expression I cannot understand. His blue eyes look a bit puffy from crying. I can’t help but admire how beautiful they are. They’re like the ocean, calming and soothing. I can see his mouth open then close as if trying to form the right words.

“I just-“ “What’s up guys!”, Michael said in a chirpy voice. Luke and I separated almost instantly, shocked by the sudden interruption. I can see Luke blushing furiously and I think I’m just as red as him.

Luke fixed his hair and rubbed his eyes dry to hide the fact that he was crying.

“Did we interrupt something?” Calum asked wiggling his eyebrows.

We we’re quiet for a moment when Michael turned to Luke.

“Wait, Luke have you been crying?” Michael asked coming closer to sling his arm around the blonde boy. I don’t know why but I felt my pulse rise at the action. _Stop it Ashton._

“Don’t worry, I was just nervous with the concert, so I guess I burst into tears.” Luke spoke for the first time.

“Ashton here was trying to comfort me. “ he added. I frowned in confusion. I feel like there’s something more to it. I decided to let it go and went back to my bed. If Luke wanted to talk, he will eventually. I went to sleep after that. As I drifted into the land of unconsciousness, the image of a boy with beautiful blue eyes played in my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys like it :) the next chapter is drafted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry Styles is having a party and the boys are invited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second chapter guys. Massive feels ahead. I warned you. Enjoy.

I woke up when I felt someone poking on my shoulder.

“Ashton, wake up.” Michael says with a bright smile on his face. I groaned. Why is he happy at this early?

“No. Still sleepy.” I dozed back to sleep when I felt a smack on my butt. “Aww!”

“Wake up you lazy shit.” Calum laughed.

“Okay I’m up!” I stood up to look for the time. It’s 10am, oh crap. Too early for Ashton.

“Now, now princess. We have to get ready.” Michael said sarcastically. They laughed.

“Shut up.”

I caught Luke staring at me and I offered him a smile. He looked away and offered a small wave in return.

As it turns out, we have an interview set for the day and a band practice in the afternoon. It’ll be a long day. Things happened in a blur on the following days, interviews, concerts, practices, public appearances, and whatever teenage bands should do. Then there comes Friday. Harry Styles is throwing a party. Thanks to celebrity connections, we are invited.

“I don’t know what to wear.” Luke whines, throwing a shirt he just tried on the floor. I thought about it briefly.

“Just wear a plaid and black jeans, like you always do.”, I told him. He nodded in agreement and went to put on the said clothes. I chose that moment to wear my clothes too. I’m on plaids but with different color, and matched it with my bandana. I also wore black jeans.

“Are you guys ready?” Calum asked. “Yeah.” We walked towards the car went to the party.

By the time we get there, things were getting fuzzy. Bodies everywhere, and the music was blaring loudly from the speakers. It took us a long time to find Harry Styles and greet him properly. Obviously we were late because the formal ceremony has ended and we are now in the boozy part of the party. We found him in the corner surrounded by his band mates.

“Hey Harry,” I said. “Hi guys! What’s up?” he smiled hugging us all at once. Yeah I know it’s impossible but he tried anyways.

“Happy birthday Harreh!” We all greeted him.

“Why are you guys late?” he deadpanned.

“A certain someone decided to take a nap few hours before the party. Now were late.” Michael said in mocking voice, looking at me. I rolled my eyes at him, but smiled. Soon after, Louis came around to give Harry a kiss in the cheeks. He whispered something that made the curly boy blush furiously.

“You guys look so cute together.” Niall said chirping in, together with Zayn and Liam who offered us polite greetings.

The party is getting late and most of the people are too drunk to be logical. I’ve been nursing my third drink and somehow I don’t feel like getting that drunk tonight. I went outside for some fresh air. I was leaning on a nearby wall when I felt someone crush themselves over me.

“Ashtoooon,” said the guy. It was dark outside so I can’t see his face. I adjusted myself to get a better look. Then the realization came down to me. Luke Hemmings is hugging-nope he’s _grinding_ on me. I tried to hide a moan when I felt him hard against my leg.

“What are you doing?” I pushed him a little harder than intended. He struggled to keep his balance and tried to stand straight. Yeah this idiot is drunk. He looked at me with a pained expression and I think he was about to cry. He hugged himself together and that made me feel guilty. The next words he said hit me like a massive wave of emotions.

“I like you.”

“What?” I stuttered out in a small voice.

“I fucking like you Ashton!” He yelled at me. He likes me? Luke Hemmings likes me? Isn’t he straight? This can’t be. _Why not?_ I don’t even like guys. _Stop lying Ashton._

There was an awkward silence and he is crying now. I’m quite panicking and I don’t know what to say. I tugged on my hair trying to find pressure, something to hold on. The words I said next shocked the both of us.

“I’m sorry Luke.” I blurted out. “I’m straight.” _No. No. No._

With those words I left him there, trying to avoid myself from saying more. I felt my eyes cry when I saw him collapse on the ground. I fucked up real hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was sad writing this chapter, but i had to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashton pining chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait guys, I hope you're still with me though. I'm setting myself to update once or twice a week, probably in the weekends or midweek :) I know you guys hated me for the last chapter, but please bear with me.
> 
> I changed the POV to third person because it's more likable i guess.
> 
> More feels ahead, please be warned. Enjoy :)

  *         **Third Person POV**



Luke has been ignoring Ashton since the incident. Ashton totally expected that. The day after the party, Michael gave him an hour-long lecture about how stupid he was to leave Luke alone in that state. It was clear to him that they have no idea about the confession since he didn’t mention anything. Ashton feels guilty for doing that to Luke. More so, he feels like something inside him has been betrayed. Like something isn’t right.

Ashton spent his days trying to act normal. He tries to ignore Luke and the fact that he doesn’t even acknowledge his presence. It’s like a punch in his chest whenever the blonde boy would leave whenever Ashton comes around. During meal times, in which Luke prefers to eat alone rather than eat with the rest of the group. The blonde boy also decided to switch rooms, so that means Ashton is now sharing with Calum. All those weeks, Ashton accepted that Luke hates him, but he can’t deny to himself that he _misses_ the boy a lot. That’s why it came a surprise when Luke suddenly starts talking to him.

The group just finished an interview that day and they’re lounging in the hotel room. Michael and Calum are playing Fifa, while Ashton and Luke sits on the opposite chairs. Ashton was intently watching their game when he felt someone sit beside him and pat him on the shoulders.

“Hi.” Luke said, with his head bowed down. Ashton think he’s _cute_ , but pushed those thoughts away. He focused on the present and his heart swells with happiness. It’s been so long since Luke acknowledged him, and now here he is.

“Hey” Ashton answered in a small voice. It’s barely audible.

“So, i figured that I should start moving on from you.” Luke said. Ashton frowned. Because that hurts. His heart feels like it’s been slashed with a knife and is now bleeding from fresh cuts. He wants to say something, anything that would make him feel okay because he isn’t.

“Is that so?” Ashton is now looking at his feet. Biting at his bottom lip. He feels like his eyes are starting to feel heavy and his chest is about to explode. He tried his best to keep calm though.

“I just want you to know that.” Luke said, with such finality in his words. “I want us to stay friends though.” Ashton was quiet the whole time. He chose to nod. He then brought back his attention to Michael and Calum seems to be oblivious of the current happenings.

Ashton thought that things would get better, at least now Luke acknowledges him. Giving him polite smiles if necessary and talking to him only if needed. He was wrong.

It was one morning when the boys were given a day off. Luke was furiously texting with his phone, smiling.

“Who are you talking to?” Calum asked. Luke blushed a shade of red and focused on his phone again. Ashton imagined some girl with big boobs giggling at the end, while texting Luke. The idea was unsettling and Ashton felt his pulse rise.

“Just someone I met.” The blond answered. Michael and Calum gave him thumbs up and teased about it. A few minutes later, Luke got up and told them he was going out.

“Don’t wait for me guys, I’m gonna be late.” Luke said to them.

“Is it a date?” Michael asked. Luke smirked in response. He smirked and Ashton is not okay. He feels like he’s breaking into pieces.

“Ohh our baby is growing up. Finding someone to get laid. ” Calum teased him. They all laughed but Ashton don’t have the energy to do so. The idea of Luke dating with someone else is hitting him in the wrong places. He got up from the couch to head for his room.

“Bye Luke, have fun.” That’s all Ashton said without looking back to Luke. He locked the door and collapsed on his bed. He buried his head on the pillows, trying to suppress the pain that’s starting to grow on his chest. He can feel his eyes go heavy and felt cold when tears escaped his eyes. He thought of how stupid he was to not see it before. Right at that moment, crying on his bed, he soon realized. He has feelings for Luke Hemmings. The guy he rejected. Now it’s too late because Luke likes someone else. Things will never be the same.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, sorry for the delay. The plan was to update on midweek but it turns out, college happened. I was busy with the exams and i forgot about it :) I'll be honest, i had a hard time writing this chapter. You know, checking the grammar and structure, it was a pain. I really need a proofreader :) Anyways, this the 4th chapter and it's freaking long. So,enjoy.

Ashton woke up when his phone’s alarm blared out in the morning sun. He spent 5 long minutes to shuffle his bed and sighed softly when he found it under his pillows. He looked at the bunk beside his, and found it empty. Calum is awake then. He went to the bathroom to fix himself a bit. He brushed his teeth and flattened his curls to make them look a little decent. His eyes looks puffy though. He stared at himself in the mirror while memories of last night come back to him. Crying his eyes out till he fell asleep. He can’t do it. He doesn’t want to face Luke.

He was interrupted out of his thoughts when he heard someone knock.

“Luke, are you okay? You’ve been in there for a few minutes now.” Calum asked.

He took one last glance on his reflection before opening the door forcing a smile on his face.

“Yeah sorry about that.” Ashton told him. Trying his best to keep his mouth quirked upwards.

Calum didn’t buy it for a second and looked at Ashton carefully.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, what makes you think I’m not?” Ashton said trying to keep a straight face.

Calum sighed and closed the door. “I noticed the way you acted last night. “

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ashton murmured.

“You rushed to our room and cried. That’s why your eyes are puffy isn’t it?”

Damn it. Ashton thought. Is he really that transparent? He debated on whether he should tell Calum or not, after all they’re friends. And friends trust each other. But still, he’s afraid of what will Calum think.

“It’s Luke isn’t it?” Calum blurted out. Ashton was surprised, looking wide eyed at his friend. He was quiet for a moment before nodding slowly. He closed his eyes trying to fight the tears that are threatening to fall. Not this again.

“You should tell him, I think he likes you too.” Calum said.

“He did, but now he doesn’t.” He said in a small voice almost a whisper. Calum frowned in confusion.

“If you both like each other, why don’t you guys get together?” Ashton shook his head.

“It’s not that easy Cal, I screwed things up.”

He ended up telling Calum the whole story. He started telling him what happened that night on the party. Calum punched him a little in the arm when he told him. But in the end he hugged Ashton tightly. Ashton was thankful for the comfort he received. He’s been keeping this for so long so, he feels good that somebody else knows. It’s like a weight was lifted off his chest. Maybe just a little.

“Ashton. I’m gonna tell you something.” Ashton looked at him, questioning.

“Don’t tell me you like me too?” He freaked out a little. “No no no.” Calum quickly interrupted.

“No you conceited prick I don’t like you. I like someone else.” Ashton rolled his eyes at him.

“Michael.” Calum added. Ashton found that surprising and yet not that surprising. He always knew that there’s something between them, and he’s right.

“You should tell him.” Ashton told him. “Yeah, said the idiot who rejected his one true love.”

Ashton blushed at that. Because, Calum’s right. He thinks he’s grown to love Luke now.

“I can’t tell him though, because I don’t think he likes guys.” Calum finished. They hugged each other tightly as they wallowed with their own romantic misfortunes.

They joined the rest of the group after that. Ashton not leaving Calum’s side when they ate some cereal for breakfast. Luke is busy texting with his phone and Ashton tried his best to not look at him. Obviously, he’s failing. The blonde boy looks so attractive today. His hair was quiffed in a perfect way, and Ashton wants to touch it. He’s wearing his usual skinny jeans and his long legs looks sexier than ever. He regrets to not notice these things. Maybe he wasn’t paying attention before, but now, he’s all aware of how beautiful Luke is.

“Is there something on my face?” Ashton was pulled out of his reverie when the blonde boy asked him.

“Um nothing.” He answered looking back at his cereal. He’s can feel his face blushing.

“So, how did the date go?” Michael asked looking at Luke.

The blonde boy thought of it for a moment before responding.

“It was okay, she was pretty nice.” He answered. So it started again, Ashton’s ultimate destruction. Calum gave him a sympathetic glance.

“Tell us more, what’s her name?” Michael pressed more out of him.

“Aleisha, she likes penguins too.” Luke answered and Michael laughed.

“I’m happy for you, Luke.” Ashton said with a fake smile on his face. Luke was surprised for a moment before his face fell and answered with a simple “thanks.”

They proceeded to band practice that afternoon. Pointing out their weakest parts, making some changes to perfect what can be perfected. After all, this is their chance to be known. Having the opportunity to have a show with the biggest boyband in the world, the boys are willing to give their best. They practiced for a few hours before taking a break. Ashton can feel his arms sore from drumming so he decided to sit on a nearby bench and rest. Taking a sip on his bottled water, he noticed Luke sitting in the corner.

It reminded him of that night when Luke was crying on the tour bus. The way he held at Ashton, like his dear life depends on him. Maybe something inside him also changed last night. The memory rang strong emotions. It’s like a spark of energy that ignites his bones and kicks his gears. The feeling was overwhelming and he has to do something, he should talk to Luke and make things right. Because right now, his mind is filled with Luke. After a few minutes of debating on whether he should do it or not, he finally found the strength to talk to him. It’s now or never, he told himself.

“Hey Luke, it think we should -“ He was interrupted when Luke’s phone rang. Ashton is looking at him intently, maybe it’s just a wishful thinking that the blonde boy looked disappointed, but quickly replaced by a confused expression. Ashton chose that moment to keep quiet. Luke took the call apologetically.

“Hello.” Luke said with a smile. Ashton can hear Aleisha laughing in the background. It seems like forever, Ashton standing there on the side while Luke and Aleisha are laughing at some joke about the weather. Ashton hates all of it. He hates the way Luke smiles because of something she said. The ways he bites his lip ring, when he’s thinking of something to say. Ashton can’t take it anymore and did what he thought the right thing to do.

“yeah we have band prac-“ Luke was stopped when Ashton shoved him on the wall and started kissing him. His eyes went wide and he let the phone fall from his hand. Ashton can hear Aleisha talking but he doesn’t care anymore. He needed this. He kissed Luke deeper but the boy isn’t kissing back. He pulled away and buried his face on Luke’s neck. He’s crying now, tears dampening Luke’s black shirt.

“I’m sorry Luke. I’m so sorry. I was so stupid.” He said with muffled noises. He hugged Luke tight but the boy stayed stiff in his arms. Ashton lifted his head to look at him. The boy wore a pained expression and his eyes are closed and it seems like he’s fighting down tears.

“Why.” Luke said without opening his eyes.

“One day you say you don’t like me, and now you’re saying you do.” He continued. Ashton held him tightly.

“It hurts so much Ashton, why are you doing this.” Ashton cringed at that, he didn’t want any of this to happen.

“I know I should hate you, that I should not forgive you. But I can’t. Fuck Ashton I can never hate you! And that sucks.” Luke raised his voice.

“No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop myself from loving you.” Luke said while opening his eyes, looking intently at Ashton. His blue orbs now filled with emotions and a bit red from tears.

“Then don’t.” Ashton told him.

“I was afraid.” He mumbled.

“What?” Luke asked him. Ashton sighed and blurted things out. His hands gripping tightly on Luke’s shirt.

“All my life, I’ve known for a fact that I am straight, so the idea of liking another guy is so foreign to me. When you told me you like me, I panicked. I wasn’t ready to face it. I was afraid to be _this_. But then I realized something. I realized that my fears are keeping me from my happiness. Happiness that I cannot find on a girl. That happiness is you Luke. I tried running away, but It all comes down to you. It started slow but I fell for you and now I’m ready to say it out loud. I love you Lucas Robert Hemmings. Please give me a chance to prove it to you.” Ashton said and that was it, the whole truth. Luke was quiet for a moment looking intently at him.

Ashton was taken aback when Luke smashed his lips with his. The kiss was aggressive and needy like Luke has been waiting for this. Ashton pulled the blonde boy closer and settled his hands on his back. The kiss was deepened and he felt Luke’s tongue brushing with his bottom lip. He granted him access, and suddenly everything else seems to fade away. The only real thing is Luke. All the pain and happiness were shared through the kiss. With their lips connected with each other, nothing else matters. Unfortunately, it cannot last forever because they needed air. The two separated with a groan and lips swollen from the contact.

Luke stared at him, blue eyes suddenly darker than before.

“Not here.” the blonde grabbed his hand and started running. Ashton laced their fingers together and let Luke lead him. Because right now, he is ready.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, sorry for the delay and i know that this chapter is way overdue. This is the ending chapter and i wanna thank you guys for reading this story. I know it's not good, and you figured that out. Anyways, still thank you for giving this a chance and i hope you enjoyed it. This chapter is really short because nothing else could be added with Lashton. I will make an epilogue which is the final touch and i'll include Malum. - Jay :)

The boys reached their hotel rooms panting and exhausted. They ran all the way from the gym back to this building. Not to include the running screaming fans and paparazzi. Due to their efforts they finally reached their room.

Ashton was still gripping on Luke’s hand as the blonde boy searched for his keys. He found them on his pocket and used his other hand to open up their room. Luke is sharing room with Michael so Ashton feels foreign without his things around. The moment they reached inside, Luke closed then locked the door. They stared at each other for a moment. Luke wasted no time and crashed his lips towards him. His hand gripping on his curls while his other hand pulls Ashton closer. Ashton settled his to put his arm around the blonde’s thin waist. The kiss was simple at first and it deepened. Luke poked out his tongue down Ashton’s lips. They continued to kiss breaking apart when they needed air.

Ashton buried his head on Luke’s neck as he hugged him tightly. Luke lifted him up by the waist and carried him towards the bed. Ashton lied down and Luke followed after. They proceeded with kissing, their chests now pressed with each other. Ashton’s mind is filled with Luke and nothing else. With their bodies tangled together, Ashton laid his head on Luke’s chest.

“I love you so much Luke.” Ashton can feel his eyes grow heavy.

“I love you too Ash.”

He felt soft pair of lips press on his temple. Ashton is bursting with happiness, incomparable with anything. Ashton learnt his lessons, and that is to chase for love. It’s not a matter of what’s right or wrong what’s important is that love should always be right thing. He still regrets rejecting Luke on the first place, but a little part of him is thankful that he did it. People learn the hard way he thought, and he’s thankful for that. He’s thankful for meeting Luke and having the chance to love and be loved by him. With Luke’s arms wrapped tightly around him, Ashton couldn’t ask for more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I considered making this chapter a smut but yeah i didn't. anyways thank you very much :)


End file.
